Hating This Love
by RainShadow
Summary: Takes place during PoA. A scene before the Shrieking Shack incident between Remus and Sirius. SLASH


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This little scene takes place during PoA, before the Shrieking Shack incident. It is a SLASH! Remus/Sirius, and if that offends you then please leave. Flames will be deleted from the reviews. It's centered on Remus, so he doesn't know that Sirius is innocent yet. Rating is PG-13, for a little language, and some implied stuff. Disclaimer: They're not mine, really! HP belongs to JKR and *grrr* WB. Okay? Read:

Hating This Love

The light of the nearly full moon poured through the open window, its curtains rustling softly in the breeze. The room's only occupant, a young man, was dozing fitfully in an armchair in front of the crumbling remains of a fire, a few embers glowing feebly in the darkness. He twitched and muttered in his sleep, his brown-blonde hair tousled, and the flickering of his eyelids gave proof to vivid dreams.

A gaunt shadow appeared in the doorway, dressed in filthy, tattered robes, much like the man himself. Leaning weakly against the doorframe, he watched the sleeping person with hollow, sunken eyes. A small, sad smile played on the intruder's lips as he took in the scene before him.

The peace was soon to be lost, because the slumbering man abruptly shifted and opened his eyes. The trespasser simply waited to be noticed, standing quietly in the entrance. The golden-haired man looked around, sleepily blinking his eyes. When his gaze fell on the intruder, he froze. The shadow of a man spoke, his voice rough and grating.

"Hullo, Remus. Been a long time." Remus Lupin rose, dread making his limbs feel heavy and useless, yet he couldn't quench the unmistakable joy that emanated from the sight of those familiar blue eyes. _//I knew he would come._\\ The happiness and fear mixed unpleasantly and settled in the pit of his stomach, leaving Remus feeling very queasy. He faced the taller man.

"Sirius." he greeted wearily, lips twisting into a bitter smile. "What are you doing here?" _//I already know._\\

"Remus, I..." Sirius Black's brow creased, and he stepped forward.

"Stop!" he cried, panicking. He attempted to quell his fear. "Stop, stay where you are." Calmer now.

"Please, Moony, let me explain-" the long-haired man uttered beseechingly.

"Don't you dare call me that!" Remus hissed forcefully, agony evident in his honey brown eyes.

"Remus, God Remus, I wanted to see you, I..."

"How could you?!" the slim teacher demanded, frail body shaking with rage and grief. "James and Lily... why Sirius, why?!" he cried in anguish. Sirius' mouth worked as he tried to find some suitable excuse, but Remus cut him off. "And Peter?" he asked incredulously, sorrow and horror and longing displayed on his face. "What did he ever do to you?" The convict's face darkened with a violent hate so intense that the fawn-haired man gasped and took an involuntary step backward.

"Peter..." Sirius hissed venomously. Remus gave a strangled sob and continued.

"Peter, James, Lily... Come to finish the job properly, right?" Those sunken, yet beautiful blue eyes flashed over to him. "Well, in case you haven't noticed, there are Dementors right outside the castle. You'll never get away." he laughed humorlessly. The dark-haired man took another step towards his one time friend.

"Are you going to turn me in?" he whispered hoarsely, his eyes never leaving Remus' face. Those amber eyes were suddenly filled with tears.

"N-no..." he sighed resignedly. "You bastard!-- I can't. I couldn't tell Dumbledore that you're an Animagi, either. I hate you! And I hate myself even more for still loving you!" he cried, his gaze now firmly fixed to the ground. Slowly, hesitantly, Remus' lover walked over to where he stood and lifted a pale, dirty white hand to his lover's sun-and-time-worn face, tired but still boyish and lovely. Sirius tilted Remus' chin up, fingers caressing his jawline. The professor met his gaze, heart pounding rapidly, hate and self-loathing in his eyes, tears coursing down his cheeks. Sirius stepped in very close, and Remus' blood rushed in his ears, but he did not back away.

"I still love you." the taller one murmured, and kissed Remus desperately. Remus moaned, feeling the familiar wonderful-yet-horrible sensation he had ached for so much in the past twelve years. A ragged sob escaped his throat as he gave in, trying not to think. He let his love and the murderer of his friends wrap long, thin arms around his small frame, let himself be propelled gently backward until his back was pressed against rough stone. //_God, yes yes, more... but he betrayed us... he's just seducing me... it isn't real... NO!nononononononono **STOP!**\\_ Remus wrenched his craving mouth away, breathing labored and shallow.

"Please..." he begged "just kill me now. Please don't play with me like this, just kill me." he whispered imploringly. Sirius stepped back, shock and pain and sorrow and lust all displayed on his soiled features.

"Remus!" he exclaimed, nearly speechless, stroking back a strand of brown-blonde hair. He flinched under the touch, then, his rich voice filled with anger, he declared, 

"Do it! If you love me God damnit, then just kill me!" Remus' eyes were closed, as if he couldn't bear his former friend and lover's presence any longer. He was shivering violently, confined between the stone wall and Sirius' lanky frame. Trapped, torn between love and horror.

Sirius swallowed and started to say something, but them a knocking interrupted from outside the room. The fugitive's eyes widened in fear, and he quickly transformed into a great, shaggy black dog and fled into the night. Remus hardly dared to breathe, not believing he was still alive. The knock came again, this time more impatient, so Remus straightened, rubbed his face with the sleeve of his frayed robes, and opened his eyes. He crossed to the other side of the room and opened the door, torchlight from the passageway silhouetting a dark figure.

Severus Snape stepped inside, a steaming goblet in his hand. He shoved it at Remus, remarking icily, 

"The first batch is done, you should drink it immediately."

"Thank you, Severus, I will." Remus promised, his voice quavering. He took the cup, his hand shaking slightly. Snape glanced up sharply. He scrutinized Remus' face, noting his puffy red eyes and the dried tear tracks on his face.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked stiffly, suspicious. 

"Oh, 's nothing.", he said casually, feeling like a five-year-old. "You just woke me from a nightmare." He shrugged, his shoulder muscles knotted and tense.

"Ah." Snape pursed his lips, then exited the room, his robes flapping behind him. Under his breath (though Remus could still hear him) he added, "Pity." Remus forced a thin smile and shut the door firmly. He gulped the fiery liquid down, draining it, then grimaced. It tasted terrible, but the warmth spread through his exhausted body, easing some of his fatigue. The Defense Against Dark Arts teacher _//Ha! Some good you are at defending yourself!\\_ stumbled to his bedroom and collapsed on the bunk, still shaking a little.

He knew, as he glared malevolently at the almost full moon, that Sirius Black was gone, for now, at least. But there wasn't a doubt in Remus' mind that he would be back. Oh yes, he would be back very soon indeed...

Fin

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For those of you waiting for the 6th part of MFML (is there anyone, or is my ego the size of Texas? lol) sorry! I have chapter 6 written, and am writing chapter seven as we speak (they'll be uploaded simultaneously). BUT! I have an actual plot thread! Of which I'm very proud! So keep checking, they'll be up within the week! Thanks,

~RainShadow

P.S. I'd be ever so happy if ya reviewed! And check out my other HP slashes: 

My Fire, My Love

Finding Trouble and Truth 

The Harry Factor


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